I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Im part way to drunk.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
