I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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