You really coming over, don't trick.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
