This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
