Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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