those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize