But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
