community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
