The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize