Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
