sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
