I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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