Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
