I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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