Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
