Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
