So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
