Already got asked if we're dating
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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