Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize