im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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