the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
