i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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