Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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