i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
