Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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