Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize