I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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