dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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