Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
