If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
