I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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