I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
