you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
