you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
