im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
