I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Randomize
