i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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