for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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