First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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