Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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