i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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