Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
