A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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