erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
