Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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