Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
