you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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