would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
