i already hear my dad disowning me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
