When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
