Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
