True but thats because hes a fetus.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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