Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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