I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
