My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
