If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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