Can i not drive my cunt home
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
