I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
