i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
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