just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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