We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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