i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
