well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
