is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He passed out mid-signature
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
