Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sorry about my life...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize