YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
