yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
