You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
