i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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