My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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