i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
