Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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