I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize