I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
