Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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