I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
