Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
